Six Steps to Rise from the Ashes of 2020
For far too many of us, 2020 has been a year of great loss. Some of what we’ve experienced as collective human beings and individuals as a result of the COVID-19 global pandemic is nothing short of full-blown trauma. Unfortunately, this is not my first time going through such life-altering circumstances. I’ve had to rise from the ashes before and I’d like to share my story with you in the hopes that I can help you do the same.
Twelve years ago on New Year’s Day 2009, I welcomed the New Year in a tiny room I was renting in Everett, Massachusetts. What I’m calling a room was an oversized walk-in closet that happened to have a window. I was barely able to fit my twin bed and a small dresser. There was no heat source in the room so I used my bonnet hair dryer to stay warm. (If you don’t know what that is, I suggest you Google it).
I found this cozy space on Craigslist and was unaware at the time of moving in that I would be sharing a bathroom with at least five other women and the landlord, Bill. We had to walk by Bill’s bedroom to get to the main kitchen and bathroom. He had a pair of curtains haphazardly hung up in place of a door and often I caught an unwanted glimpse of his bare backside as he napped in the nude. The stairs were in dangerous disrepair and a whole section of the floor I was staying on was completely unlivable. Everything else I owned in the world was packed into my four-door Honda Accord that was parked on the street.
My best friend came to visit with me shortly after the New Year and sobbed when he saw my living conditions. As terrible as my situation was, I was quite content to be welcoming the New Year in this place. It was a place I could afford on my salary, my new roommates were friendly, and Bill was a very caring (although neglectful) landlord. Also, just two months before I was homeless, completely broke, and unemployed.
Exactly one year prior on New Year’s day of 2008, my life was completely different. I was living in Orlando, Florida where I was raised. In May of 2007 I graduated from Rollins College and launched my first business called Variety Printing and Sales, Inc. We specialized in creating custom printed products such as t-shirts, handbags, and mugs for organizations. The business was going strong and it was growing literally by the day. In early January I was making travel arrangements with my mom for my move to Boston where I planned to start graduate school in mid-January at Boston University. I had planned to continue managing the business remotely with the help of my business partner who was overseeing the day-to-day operations. The business was doing well enough that when I moved to Massachusetts I was able to pay for my new apartment in Arlington for several months in advance. It was a generous one bedroom with an eat-in kitchen, nice sized living room, and a walk-in closet only a little smaller than the one I would find myself living in just one year later.
By the summer of 2008, everything changed. Unbeknownst to me, the financial markets were having a meltdown. What I soon learned is that the products I was selling, which are considered discretionary, were the first expense that was cut as our clients reined in their budgets in hopes of staying afloat through what would become a global financial crisis. Watching the business that I had dreamed into reality and put so much hard work into disintegrating before my eyes was the most devastating experience of my young life. I had put all of what little savings I had into the business and had taken on loads of debt to accelerate its growth. By August of 2008 my business, and thus my life, had gone up in flames. In one year I went from being a business owner in a roomy one-bedroom apartment all to myself to couch surfing in a city that I barely knew.
Despite the dire situation, I was determined to finish graduate school. After being evicted from my Arlington apartment I packed everything I owned into my Honda and started to piece my life back together. The first step I took was reaching out for help from anyone who would listen. Through the kindness of near-strangers, I was able to find a meal to eat each day and land a couch to sleep on. Not wanting to rely solely on student loans for financial support, I hit the pavement to find a job. After three months of job hunting and applying to what felt like hundreds of jobs, I landed a position as a research assistant at my graduate school. I worked full-time while going to school full-time. After living in my Everett closet for about three months, eventually, I was able to afford my own place again. I completed my graduate program in 2010 and was able to advance my career in healthcare. Today, my partner and I own a home in the suburbs of Boston and I serve as a Director at Boston Medical Center. It is a surreal experience some days as I walk the same sidewalks and halls as a person who just 12 years ago was living off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
In my short time on this earth, I’ve experienced tragic loss. The loss of loved ones. The loss of the ability to make a living. The loss of the rewards that come from hard, back-breaking work. The loss of stability and order. I know what it feels like first hand for life to smack you down, hard. If this is you in 2020, take it from me, you will survive, you will go on, and you will rise.
Coming back from something so life-changing and traumatic takes time but some simple steps can help you stay on track in 2021:
- Take time to grieve what was lost. Whether it’s the loss of loved ones, a dream, financial stability, or comforting routines, take the time to grieve. Sometimes just surviving takes all our strength that we don’t stop to take stock and assess the damage.
- Be grateful. It sounds cheeky and useless to find gratitude in your worst situation but believe me you need it. Gratitude is proven to help build resilience. However, on a more practical level, gratitude helped me see what I had to work with and what was still within my control to put the pieces of my life back together.
- Ask for help. You don’t have to do it alone. Not everyone will be able or willing to help but it is worth the try. You’ll be surprised to find that you can get help in a way that keeps your dignity intact.
- Take smart risks, even if you don’t feel ready. Once you go into survival mode everything in you is focused on making it through today. We can stay in this mode too long and miss the opportunities to take a chance at bettering our situation.
- Learn new skills. I was fortunate to have been able to stay in graduate school during the financial crisis. The skills I gained helped me to improve my job prospects and advance my career. However, I also learned very practical skills like budgeting down to the penny and tracking every expense using Excel spreadsheets. I still do this today.
- If there is a lesson in it, learn it. Sometimes our experiences teach us things about the world or ourselves. Don’t let the awfulness of the situation rob you of a chance to see yourself or the world in a different light.
I’ll leave you with the last portion of one of my favorite poems from the writer Maya Angelou.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
